I talked to Brice & his girlfriend about it. He says she gets "salty" when he texts another girl. That makes me feel almost normal for a second, but then I remember that I always get more than salty.
I've been back & forth between thinking my behaviors and reactions are wrong or thinking they're completely reasonable. I talk to other people (most) and they agree that they would be upset too. Their responses vary in strength of upsettedness but usually they all agree to some degree.
But it can't be normal. I am an extremely jealous person and never thought I would be. I've always been able to rise above weird feelings, feeling that I didn't like having. Now I have this feeling in me that won't go away no matter what I do and no matter how much time passes and I just want to die of it. I want to run away from anyone that makes me feel this way and never have to feel it again. But I feel trapped in the feeling and trapped in this life. And I have a feeling that it's something wrong with me..not something wrong with this place and these people. And if that's the case then I don't know how I'll survive trying to fix myself. It already feels like the hardest thing I could imagine. It already feels like I'll fall apart trying.
I'm going to talk to Bob about it. Not because I like talking about it because I don't..it's embarassing and horrible and annoying and worthless but all those reasons are why I want to talk to him about.. because maybe he can help me get rid of it. Or at least tell me what to do and where to go from here. Or keep me from running away or dying everyday.
When Brice told me I should just try to "brush it off"....I wish he could understand how desperately I want to take his advice, yet how fully impossible it is for me to do so.
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Of course another guy would say, "brush it off"." Most other guys would. That really irritates me. I think that some people can take jealousy too far and those people have to take some responsibility for their part, but this isn't as complicated as it is being made out to be. You clearly defined for Jake what you needed from him in this situation and he chose not to meet your needs. There is nothing more to it than that. You have to stop beating yourself up about it. You weren't being crazy jealous (that would have been locking him in the closet so that he couldn't go to work, lol). As your partner he is responsible for helping to keep balance in your relationship. If he thought that you were being unreasonable when you laid out your expectations, then it would have been his responsibility to tell you so at the time. He should have then discussed it with you if he thought you were 'out of line'. He didn't because you weren't. Then he failed to be considerate of your request. Shitty partner if you ask me and I'll tell him myself if you like. I would NEVER put up with that shit from Omar and he wouldn't put up with it from me either!
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